It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self

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In allowing ourselves to fully experience core emotions, we move toward an openhearted state where we are calm, curious, connected, compassionate, confident, courageous, and clear. But knowing he had been treated for depression for years without good results, I wondered about the diagnosis. This includes psychological tricks like ‘denial’, and ‘ dissociation’, behaviors like checking your phone every two seconds, compulsive eating, exercise, sex and gaming etc. The point of the Change Triangle is to help understand what is a defense, what is a secondary emotion, and what is a core emotion.

It is how we handle our emotions that matters more than anything and greatly affects our emotional health and wellbeing. In this model Emotional Defenses include anything that you do to distract, numb or otherwise avoid feeling emotionally uncomfortable. But “The Change Triangle” is also super helpful for clinicians to be aware of when working with clients. I highly recommend this for anyone who’s ever struggled with depression, feeling their emotions, rage, shame, anxiety. It was interesting to me how patients were able to sense and name their emotions within their bodies; a tightness in their chest, a heaviness in their stomach, an energy moving up or down; or a lightness in their hearts and instinct to smile, or dance.This isn't a book about depression, nor is it a book about illuminating the reader about what is and what isn't depression. The second way is by looking for your Cs and seeing if you can make a conscious shift into being them just by being aware and applying your emotional energy.

When using this tool, Jacobs is able to help her patients heal past wounds, depression, anxiety, stress, or trauma; by accessing the memories of the deeply buried core emotions from the past, patients can release and experience their emotion, feel it in their bodies and release it. She runs a practice on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and was the Mental Health Consultant for the Emmy and Golden Globe-winning show Mad Men. Prior to reading the book I had not read Hilary's article in the NYT or anything by Diane Fosha but I was aware of the existence of AEDP, just not the details. If my mind is not clear, am I aware of that so that I do not make important decisions until I am able to access more clarity?Am I curious to map myself, or my companion, on the Change Triangle to understand more about what is happening? In a way, shame wants us to be small, because when we make ourselves small, it’s like putting on armor and we are less likely to be hurt, or in other words, rejected.

Some of my friends and family keep telling me how they've had traumatic pasts and, okay, perhaps they do but a lot of the time, it's not really big-T "Trauma. HILARY JACOBS HENDEL received her BA in Biochemistry from Wesleyan University, and an MSW from Fordham University.While I was about 40% into the book I started sending copies to other people so I would have folks to talk to about this type of therapy. If you grew up with constant drama and excitement around you, for better or for worse, states of calm might feel dead, or boring. I would recommend this book to literally everyone, especially those working to heal from past abuse or current depression. Emotional education is sorely needed and I am so grateful for all the education Hilary provided in such an accessible way!