Caned by the Headmaster!

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He is undeterred, “You are a journalist,” he sneers the word “journalist” and continues, “wouldn’t you like to report to your readers what it actually feels like to have a headmaster’s caning. As they left my study, heads hung low, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of satisfaction for the pain I had inflicted. I used to have a great time in art for example (I'm crap at it though) because the teacher looked like a bearded psychotic John Cleese and he had a habit of chucking stuff at misbehaving kids.

Last night a Home Office spokesman said: "An approved school teacher who has alleged that corporal punishment in excess of that permitted under the rules has been administered at the school at which he serves, today identified himself to the Home Office. The following week letters appeared in the local press in favour of the verdict delivered, with a number of prominent citizens expressing their support for the Rev. Thwackery is the new headmaster at St Francis comprehensive which is the first school in Brocklehurst to reintroduce caning after the recent change in the law. You have created a set if circumstances where normal disciplinary rules are not respected or sufficient. The only time I was ever caned was for something I didn't do - first year of senior school, not under the junior school head - and unlike the slipper, that really did hurt.

I believe you are an apprentice at the Bugle,” he says a half smile forming on his face, “Before too long apprentices will be subjected to corporal punishment. None of us know if that ex-pupil's caning was delivered as a standard six of the best or if it was done with viscious anger or with a sexual pervertion. How about assuming that this man did beat a six year old boy and he had carried a grudge for that long. Yes, but we are filtering out the mitgation rubbish ie the silly statements that he is a different person when drinking, that he was prone to be upset because of a disagreement in his personal life and instead are talking about the fact (agreed by the witnesses) that at the time of the incident he clearly stated his reason for the attack and made sure his victim knew the reason why which made it very very easy to identify him.

That Headmaster appeared very self satisfied and far too quick to offer his forgiveness to the young man. In this way his buttocks were presented at exactly the correct height and angle for strokes from my cane. Those classes were always on a knife edge as some of the kids competed to be the most outrageous in their lack of respect. Maybe they were that way by nature or maybe their experiences while fighting in the second world war had somewhat unbalanced them? In all the schools except four independent boarding or mainly boarding schools the headmaster can administer corporal punishment; in three of these four schools, two of which are Quaker schools, no one can do so, while in the fourth the headmaster does not allow himself to administer corporal punishment but delegates the task to other members of his staff.

You might like to know,” he says with some relish, “That there are no set rules about how to deliver a caning. The master who took the photographs claimed that beatings there had contravened approved school regulations. Most are behind corporal punishment and already it has been announced that the cane will be available for use on university and college students from the start of the new academic year. One ritual that the teachers on duty carried out was to inspect whether the boys and girls looked the part, you know, as true ambassadors of a school whose motto was “discipline and hard work for a better future. I was belted on a daily basis by my nasty little form teacher every morning I came into class for an entire year.