Michael: What I’m saying is that, like if they had themselves proper jobs you know, what there ‘gan ’til, then they wouldn’t ‘dee it. A lot of them’s from broken homes.

The BBC describe it as a “heady mix of consumer affairs, news, highbrow interviews and lightweight froth”. Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge promoting his book Nomad in 2016 (Photo: Getty) Alan: Right, well, I’ll do my stint. I’d want expenses though. Otherwise people start taking liberties. Before you know it you’re mowing their lawn. Alan: Yes. In fact, the best thing that I ever did was getting thrown out by my wife! She’s living with a fitness instructor. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. He’s an idiot!

At this point, Sophie comes joins Susan behind reception:

Idea for a programme: ‘Lady Shapes with Alan Partridge’. I look at the changing shape of ladies through the ages. From fat chubby ladies of the renaissance to hard-faced Cromwelling sour pusses. Right up to 20th century well-toned women like Sharon Davies and, Jet from Gladiators. The opening scene where Alan is in his sound booth at Radio Norwich, presenting Up With The Partridge: Alan to Room Service: Hi, erm, can I have an Irish coffee delivered to the room please? No? Right. Tea? Erm, can of Fanta? Minibar, no I’ll get it myself. Alan: Right. Now, you’ll like this. “Knowing M.E., Knowing You”. I, Alan Partridge talk to M.E. sufferers about their condition. Erm, you know, we intersperse it with their favourite pop songs make it light-hearted. You know, give them a platform. You got to keep the energy up. You don’t like it, that’s alright. Tony: I don’t think you should see your future just at the BBC, Alan. I just think it’s time for you to consider moving on to new pastures.

Tony: That’s what I wanted to talk about, Alan. Your career. I can see a lot of very exciting opportunities ahead for you. Really I can. Alan: That’s one way of looking at it. Another way of looking at it is, people like them, let’s make some more of them. Throughout the questions I will be remaining impartial at all times. I will remain Pontius Partridge. has got some rude graffiti on - Graffiti? What, in the hotel? - No, there's never any graffiti in the hotel. Tony: Look, Alan I don’t want you to feel… I’ll see you later, Peter. I don’t want you to feel the doors have all closed here at the BBC. If you come up with anything else, then please I dont want you to hesitate… Alan drifts off into his fantasy about dancing for Tony Hayers:Do you go around drawing peephole bras on the wall? But it was different for me, like 'cause I was in the army when I was seventeen. A-haaa!" (LYNN) What if Tony Hayers sees "Cook, Pass, Babtridge" painted on your car? (ALAN) Don't worry, Lynn, I'll play it down. Alan: You’ve gone again, GOODNIGHT! Alan is in his hotel room, reading an article by Tony Hayers on a sweep up at the BBC, Alan reacts immediately by reeling off some ideas for programmes into his Dictaphone: Who-oo Who-oo Who do you think you are? Unfortunately for you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC Television. Alan: Abandon that, Lynn, it’s not working. Ok, doomsday scenario. You, Tony Hayers, have decide not to give me another television series. Why? Be tough.