In true love, there’s no more separation or discrimination. His happiness is your happiness. Your suffering is his suffering. You can no longer say, “That’s your problem.”

What does love mean, exactly? We have applied to it our finest definitions; we have examined its psychology and outlined it in philosophical frameworks; we have even devised a mathematical formula for attaining it. And yet anyone who has ever taken this wholehearted leap of faith knows that love remains a mystery — perhaps the mystery of the human experience.

Thich Nhat Hanh’s teachings on mindfulness

Thich Nhat Hanh, who originated Engaged Buddhism, in an interview with John Malkin. Peace in Every Step

How to Love is the third title in Parallax’s Mindfulness Essentials Series of how-to titles by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, introducing beginners and reminding seasoned practitioners of the essentials of mindfulness practice. This time Nhat Hanh brings his signature clarity, compassion, and humor to the thorny question of how to love. He distills one of our strongest emotions down to four essentials: you can only love another when you feel true love for yourself; love is understanding; understanding brings compassion; deep listening and loving speech are key ways of showing our love.It is not yet clear how the government of one-party Vietnam, which is wary of organised religion, will react to his funeral, which began yesterday and will last five days. His influence also spanned clinical psychology, with his 1975 book The Miracle of Mindfulness laying the foundations for what would later be used to treat depression and described as mindfulness-based cognitive therapy. Going into greater detail, Hanh delineates different kinds of love (compassion being a scarce one these days) and has plenty of advice not only for those just embarking on a relationship but those doing the hard work of maintaining one. Next, observe your mental formations, the ideas and tendencies within you that lead you to speak and act as you do. Practice looking deeply to discover the true nature of your mental formations—how you are influenced by your individual consciousness and also by the collective consciousness of your family, ancestors, and society. Unwholesome mental formations cause so much disturbance; wholesome mental formations bring about love, happiness, and liberation.