I Have to Tell You Something

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Perhaps my son would, one day, prefer to be blown by a stranger in a toilet, or perhaps he would like to be spanked while being fellated by a Negro transvestite.” Michelle McDonagh has been writing, in some form or other, for over 25 years and this experience has clearly stood to her. I thoroughly enjoyed this engrossing, engaging and cleverly convoluted tale of an agricultural family with rot at its core, just like the apples displayed on the cover. Although based in Ireland, this story could be set anywhere. Land is central to many disputes, with families at loggerheads the world over as inheritances are fought over, with internal rivalries destroying many relationships.

Dok sam otpočinjala čitati ovaj roman učinio mi se malo drugačijim, ali sa svakom novom stranicom prepoznavala sam detalje iz ranijih knjiga, „Bude“, „Intime“, ali i one memoarsko-biografske „Osluškujući njegovu dušu“. I ma koliko da mi je teško pisati esej o Kureishiju (neizrecivo teže nego o Murakamiju npr.), prisiljavam sebe da to spoznanje nakon čitanja ne ostavim unutra. Da nađem način da ga približim onima koji ga još nisu čitali, ili onima koji ga nisu razumjeli. Ne usuđujem se, pak, reći da ja jesam u potpunosti. Hanif Kureishi, dijete Pakistanca i Engleskinje (što je itekako obilježilo njegov identitet, tj. potragu za njim, odrastanje mladost i cijeli život), pisac, čovjek. I opet se nađem u ćorsokaku i pitam se kojim sam putem trebala poći i šta sam to htjela napisati? Pa se vratim na raskrsnicu od nekoliko puteva, a ni za jedan nisam sigurna da nije ćorsokak i da opet neću zastati. Ako očekujete avanturu i zaplet, rasplet i happy and, onda Kureishi i nije baš idealan izbor za vas. Happy and ne postoji u realnom životu, a njegove su knjige upravo to. U njima samo postoji nada i put kojim se nastavlja potraga za srećom i smislom. Ako očekujete idealne likove, ili pak moralne puritance, onda Kureishi ponovo nije izbor za vas. Njegovi su likovi samo ljudi, grešni, i često izgubljeni, skloni eksperimentisanju drogama, seksualnošću... I iako u tom pogledu imam čvrsto izgrađene stavove kad je u pitanju moj život i moj lični izbor, nisam u stanju da se zgražam niti da mu sudim. Ne mogu suditi nekome ko piše tako iskreno i virtuozno. Ne mogu suditi nekome čijoj se iskrenosti i smislu za humor nadasve divim... „Nešto da ti kažem“ knjiga je nakon koje sam šutjela i potonula na dno sebe, manje nego nakon Austerovog „Izuma samoće“, više nego nakon Murakamijeve „Norveške šume“... Murakami daje Nadu. Kureishi daje nadu. Auster kao da kaže: „Živimo, a smrt je neizbježno tu.“ i nada ponire. Čak iako vjerujemo u život poslije smrti. Znam da sam nakon „Izuma samoće“danima padala na dno sebe... ali, vratimo se Kureishiju! Na površini ovog romana je priča o ubistvu, griži savjesti (kao Dostojevski), prihvatanju samog sebe, o ljubavi, prijateljstvu, umjetnosti... o drogama, sexu, potrazi za identitetom, za smislom. Ispod površine to je priča o samo jednom, o čovjeku. Likovi u romanu traže i pate. Džamal, Mirjam, Henri, Džozefina, Ađita, Mustak, Volf i Valentin (u kojima prepoznajem Kureishijeve prijatelje Georgija i Briana iz „Osluškujući njegovu dušu“). Jedino je Rafi, dvanaestogodišnjak, Džamalov sin, samim tim što je još dijete pošteđen bolne spoznaje o životu koja pritšće sve odrasle likove. Rafi mi je subjektivno najdraži lik u romanu, a njegov odnos sa ocem najemotivniji i najljepši diskurs. Ljepši i od onog o ljubavi. Džamal Kan, psihoterapeut, vraća se unazad trideset godina i prisjeća svoje najveće ljubavi, Ađite, te kobne greške zbog koje ju je izgubio. Ali, da li bi njegov život išao u istom smjeru, da nije bilo tako? Da li bi postao terapeut i osluškivao ljudske duše? U knjizi se isprepliću sadašnjost i prošlost, umjetnost i politika, ljubav i mržnja koji su, spoznat ćemo, gotovo pa jedan te isti osjećaj. Frojd i Čehov, Tačerica i Toni Bler pominju se nerijetko, a Mik Džeger je i sam jedan od, istina sporednih sudionika radnje. Homoseksualci, prostitutke, emigranti, buržuji, radnička klasa... duboka depresija i čista realnost... Traganje za smislom, i borba u prihvatanju sebe i opraštanju samom sebi. Čak je i ubistvo, koje u trenutku pruža nagovještaj da se ipak radi o još jednoj iole komercijalnoj priči, realnost, jer nije počinjeno ni pištoljem, niti nožem, nego je srčani udar nastupio nakon zastrašivanja. Sve je u ovom romanu, iako fikcija, vrlo realno. Sve miriše na Kureishijev život, na njegovo djetinjstvo u predgrađu, i pomalo traumatično odrastanje uz nadimak Paki. Na konstantno iščitavanje knjiga, ali i na, nasuprot nama „knjiškim moljcima“, konstantno iskušavanje i kušanje života, da bi nam, neupitnom iskrenošću prenio svoja iskustva na stranicama svojih romana, priča i memoara. Iako mu zamjeram što se nije dublje pozabavio islamom, (jer islam nije „imati samo jednu knjigu“ kako je negdje „između redova“ nabacio) "dižem mu kapu" na iskrenosti, virtuoznosti pisanja i na humoru, koji nam je u ovom životu punom duboke depresije itekako potreban! Set in contemporary Ireland, the story delves into the tensions that often exist in extended family life, however much people may sometimes wish to pretend otherwise. Just how damaging this kind of denial can be is brilliantly demonstrated in this masterful novel. Kureishi attended Bromley Technical High School where David Bowie had also been a pupil and after taking his A levels at a local sixth form college, he spent a year studying philosophy at Lancaster University before dropping out. Later he attended King’s College London and took a degree in philosophy. In 1985 he wrote My Beautiful Laundrette, a screenplay about a gay Pakistani-British boy growing up in 1980’s London for a film directed by Stephen Frears. It won the New York Film Critics Best Screenplay Award and an Academy Award nomination for Best Screenplay. Unfortunately, that’s the only positive I can find. Mostly I was getting frustrated about Jay’s relationship with her husband which was essentially lots of putting off have a discussion after he said ‘I have something to tell you’. That’s never a good conversation starter for a relationship, but when he says that he’s saying it’s a conversation that needs to happen at a time in the future, a time that keeps getting put off to go for dinners or drinks with friends instead. There's Something I Have To Tell You had me gripped from start to finish. My engagement with, and enjoyment of, this book was definitely enhanced by my familiarity with the settings, characters and cultural references. The story is set on a working farm and farm park in Co. Galway, and it was easy to picture this as the one my grandson often visits. The Kennedys could be my neighbours. The description of University Hospital Galway could only have been written by someone who has been there, and who, in Ireland, isn't familiar with the gossips, the begrudgers and the folks with 'notions'?On Glenbeg Farm, it was a sunny morning like any other. Only the distressed bark of beloved collie Samson hinted that all was not well’ Even though Chasten is the husband of the former Democratic presidential candidate (Peter Buttegieg) this book was not a political one, but a personal story meant to give courage and inspiration to teenagers today by sharing the good and the bad, the hardship, fear and pain, as well as the joy and the relief, on the journey of being true to yourself. And it certainly succeeded in that! I Have Something to Tell You was a truly hopeful and earnest story. I enjoyed the direct conversational writing style and how Chasten used a lot of his humor when telling it, and how he wasn’t afraid of showing his own shortcomings nor shy away from awkward situations. It was also really heartwarming to see the love for and from his family even though they all went through a bit of a rough path after he came out. Clearly no contender for Mother of the Year, Ursula also repeatedly broke her promises to her second son Robert and his wife Kate, who lived on the farm and worked alongside the older couple. Their marriage was on the verge of disintegration immediately prior to the two corpses being found at the farm, so it could truthfully be said that Ursula's death gave Kate and Robert a second chance at working out their relationship. Told chiefly from Kate’s point of view, plus a few chapters from Ursula and Jimmy, as the investigation proceeds, McDonagh flits around in time, allowing the history and secrets of our main characters to be slowly unfurled. And sure, lookit, they’ve all enough skeletons in the cupboard but are any motive enough for murder? The story started good and it finished also okay, but with all the repetition and dullness in the middle, and also the parts that should have probably been heart wrenching and emotional, but were just frustrating and boring in reality, it wasn't a good book.

I appreciate the fact that the story is based on true people, so judging their story maybe isn't the best move.For a greater part of the book there is tension and intrigue and an awful lot of questions that don't seem to have any answers. The author introduces us to a cast of likely suspects and there is real enjoyment in trying to puzzle out who did what and why, and which parts of the story are there to deliberately mislead the reader. But of course, much of the content focused on his experiences as a gay man. And he tried to provide hope for the future while being upfront about both the positive and negative reactions he experienced. I found it quite powerful, though I would have liked a bit clearer organizational structure. Words matter. Actions matter more. Everyone has a responsibility to create a society that is tolerant, respectful, inclusive, and productive. Name calling, bullying, actively creating barriers against folks we disagree with makes for a small table and a hostile environment. It also diminishes people into two dimensional stereotypes instead of the complex human beings they are. The title of There's Something I Have to Tell You hints at secrets that are buried deep - as well as the kind of truths that often lurk just beneath the surface. And this finely-textured novel delivers plentifully on both.

Also a very minor thing (I think there were only 2 references to it in the whole novel) but the spelling of “eejit” with a g instead of a j (“eegit”) bugged me to no end and yes, I know this is trivial! As an adult that is only about 5 years younger then Chasten I am very jealous of my partner not having run for Prime Minister yet!!! On this timeline he only has three years to get to the Prime Ministerial campaign trail but I can't even convince him to run for Local Government! LAMKIN for MAYOR 2024!!! (I would do it myself but I don't like talking to people) I think probably the problem was more to do with the fact that none of the characters held their ground enough for me to care about what was going on in their lives. And once you don’t care about the characters, once you start to forget where your hero’s parents are and what his best friend does and why our protagonist is doing what he’s doing, then the book is a lost cause.On Glenbeg Farm, it was a sunny morning like any other. Only the distressed bark of beloved collie Samson hinted that all was not well.’ Kureishi tries to shoehorn so many themes into ths novel (immigration, race, parenthood, growing old, sex, drugs, london in the 70s, guilt, love) that it's not surprising it feels unfinished, wishy-washy and rambling. Nothing is explored fully and it left me feeling thoroughly unsatisfied. His novel Intimacy (1998) revolved around the story of a man leaving his wife and two young sons after feeling physically and emotionally rejected by his wife. This created certain controversy as Kureishi himself had recently left his wife and two young sons. It is assumed to be at least semi-autobiographical. In 2000/2001 the novel was loosely adapted to a movie Intimacy by Patrice Chéreau, which won two Bears at the Berlin Film Festival: a Golden Bear for Best Film, and a Silver Bear for Best Actress (Kerry Fox). It was controversial for its unreserved sex scenes. The book was translated into Persian by Niki Karimi in 2005. I loved this amazing debut move by yet another talented Irish author. Set on a farm in the west of Ireland, McDonagh tells a gripping story. How I loved being with the unassailable men. Me, the eager little kid, they would patronise as I tried to please them with jokes, tough talk and a swaggering walk. Often Wolf and Valentin spoke in French or German…

I really enjoyed the exploration into the exploitation of young people by the college debt schemes and the pressure that is placed on teenagers to have their entire life planned out! And that is for all the kids, let alone for that Queer teens! It is the Queer teens/Young Adults that need to place time, energy and mental resources into dealing with their sexuality or gender identity on top of dealing with normal teenage life! There isn’t a lot that can be revealed about this book beyond the synopsis, and that means it has a lot of secrets - always a good thing! This was a slower read, but also one that you don’t mind luxuriating in because the journey is that good. Along with the general dislike that had long been felt towards her, Ursula was not known for her gentle treatment of family members either, the one exception being her problematic brother. Then there’s Ajita, his long lost love, who has her own secret. Ajita breezes into his life at University and provides a catalyst for the murder that destroys Jamal’s life. But neither Ajita, nor the murder that she inspires, has enough force to drive the narrative. She never says anything of substance and instead is characterised by her designer clothing, her beauty, and the good sex Jamal had with her. Next there’s Henry, his colourful, larger-than-life friend who couples with his sister. Henry speaks in grand platitudes almost all the time, in a way that is as unbelievable as the sex life he develops, which is described in more detail than is required. Rob's wife Kate had a difficult relationship with Ursula. Life will certainly be easier now, without her every moveAs the Gardaí investigate further, family secrets come to the surface and no one is immune from suspicion. Lots of chopping and changing between referring to people by their surname or first name, confusing on who is who and who is being referred to. This isn't marketed as a crime thriller and that technique only really works in established crime thriller series when the characters are quite well known. Jessica (Jay) is a lawyer who has been tasked with defending Edward Blake, a man accused of killing his wife. Right away, she gets the feeling that he is innocent, so she’s quite invested in the case. His charm and good looks certainly don’t hurt either… It’s hard to express my frustrations with the story without spoiling the plot. Suffice it to say, if you prefer books where you’re not yelling at the main character for repeatedly either not actually taking action or for making stupid decisions then avoid this. This young adult adaptation of Chasten Glezman Buttigieg’s memoir was such a sweet and wholesome coming of age story. Through his own words, we learn about Chasten’s teenage years growing up in a small conservative Midwestern town, his experience as an exchange student in Germany and his dawning realization that him always being seen as “special” and “unique” might have something to do with his sexual orientation and his struggle to come to terms with that.