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If you want to win friends, you have to do it the hard way, by being yourself and risking rejection (and daring to do some rejection of your own, as well). And if you want to influence people the only fair way to do it is through honesty. All the rest is manipulation and pretending. Do not read this book, you'll only learn how to manipulate yourself & others. Do not read it out of fear of rejection & low self-esteem, there are better ways to gain some courage in approaching people. This will harm you in the long run.
To be effective in convincing someone of our ideas or our argument, it’s not enough to merely state a truth. If we truly want someone’s attention, we have to present that truth in a vivid, interesting, dramatic way. Symons, A. E. 1937. The Australian Quarterly, 9 (3). Australian Institute of Policy and Science: 115–16. doi: 10.2307/20629470 Crusader says: I know very little else... The High General chooses who may go and who must stay behind. There's nothing else... You must believe me! moral high ground fags" ككل الكتب التي تتحدث عن سلوك البشر وكيفية استغلاله, لا ينصح به للسادة الـ . PRINCIPLE 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.Listen first. We can give our opponents a chance to talk without interrupting, and let them finish without resisting, defending, or debating. Garner, Dwight (October 5, 2011). "Classic Advice: Please, Leave Well Enough Alone". The New York Times. The most common criticism lodged at this book is that it teaches manipulation, not genuine friendship. Well, I agree that this book doesn’t teach how to achieve genuine intimacy with people. A real friendship requires some self-expression, and self-expression is not part of Carnegie’s system. As another reviewer points out, if you use this mindset to try to get real friends, you’ll end up in highly unsatisfying relationships. Good friends aren't like difficult customers; they are people you can argue with and vent to, people who you don't have to impress. Of course, Carnegie had hardly said anything at all. What he had done was listen intently. He listened because he was genuinely interested.
Because of this book’s age, the writing is quaint and charming. Take, for example, this piece of advice on how to get the most out of the book: “Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friend a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles.” A lively game! How utterly delightful. Show the other person that you genuinely understand their perspective, by saying things like, “I completely understand why you see it that way,” or, “I know it would be helpful for you if ...” And so I had him thinking of me as a good conversationalist when, in reality, I had been merely a good listener and had encouraged him to talk,” Carnegie notes.Dramatize your ideas. If you sell, say, cash registers for example. Next time you go into the neighborhood grocery store, randomly point out to the owner how positively shit his current cash registers are and explain that he is literally hemorrhaging cash every time he uses them instead of your superior product. Don’t just tell him though, raise your voice and make a scene. Begin throwing coins on the floor and then at the cashier screaming, “Can’t you see you’re literally throwing away money, Gary?!!”. Always use the name Gary, even if you know full well that’s not his/her name.
Welcome the disagreement: Remember the slogan, “When two partners always agree, one of them is not necessary.” If there is some point you haven’t thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake. Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully: and mean it! Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: “We tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen.” It is much easier to listen to a description of our own faults when the person criticizing begins by humbly saying that he is also far from perfect. This principle tells us that criticism is futile because it puts the person you are criticizing on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify themself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.The final key to being a leader and changing people without arousing resentment is to make the person happy about doing what we want them to do. Well, maybe it's just because I am an American, but this conception of human nature feels quite accurate to me. Even the nicest people are absorbed with their own desires, troubles, and opinions. Indeed, the only reason that it’s easy to forget that other people are preoccupied with their own priorities is because we are so preoccupied with our own that it’s hard to imagine anyone thinks otherwise. The other day, for example, I ran into my neighbor, a wonderfully nice woman, who immediately proceeded to unload all her recent troubles on me while scarcely asking me a single question. This isn’t because she is bad or selfish, but because she’s human and wanted a listening ear. I don’t see anything wrong with it. Plus these types of advice, self-help, new-agey textbooks reek of banal, trite, clichéd, stereotypical drivel. We’re too good for that. They seem a little cheesy at least. They’re all like The Secret, right? Crusader says: Argh... The pain... The pain is almost as unbearable as the lashings I received in grammar school when I was but a child.
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