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If you are quite open and authentic about that then it gives other people a bit of an idea. If you’re struggling and for you, if you’re always saying the number 3 for a few days in a row, [and] you’re like ‘this isn’t good’, maybe speak to someone. When people ask twice, then sometimes that’s just enough to open the tiny tears tap.”
When I went to Iraq, I was the youngest aircrew member. Not only that, but I was limited combat ready. You learn to fly on a little helicopter, which is the Griffon (training helicopter) and then you get posted to whichever helicopter type you want to go on, and for me, that was always the Chinook.” On her final MERT operation, a US medic handed McConaghy a clear plastic bag with the severed foot of an American serviceman killed in action. And I never not wanted to go and if I hadn’t gone, it meant somebody else had to go in my place. Somebody else [who] had to do an extra one or one of the new guys who wasn’t combat ready had to go instead when he wasn’t quite ready to go. I was always really worried that someone would have to take my bullet, you feel like if you don’t go, what if something happens and I’m meant to be there and I’m not? That kind of kept me in the job, certainly for those ten years. “What follows is sketchy, but the next memory McConaghy has is waking up from a 40-hour coma in a hospital bed in Basingstoke. Miraculously, she had survived. But how? It turns out, after swallowing the pills, she had called Samaritans and the emergency services. Because it’s so hard to identify a firing point where the rounds are coming from, you just have to stand your ground at the mini-gun and pray that there’s a little Ready Brek glow surrounding you.” I wrote the book when I was going through my PTSD counselling, and it took me 3 weeks to write because I just had to brain dump everything and it [was] just stored on my laptop and I never thought about it. Then a friend of mine and I were out walking and I mentioned it and she was like you’ve got to send this off to a publisher, what happens if somebody wants to publish it? Then it got published. It was never written in any way to be read by anyone, never mind the whole world, but seemingly everyone has really enjoyed it.
So, how did McConaghy end up in such desperate circumstances? She had seen some terrible things on deployment during her service, not least flying on the medical flights recovering badly injured and dead soldiers from the battlefield. Then a close friend succumbed to terminal cancer and her own marriage to a soldier ended. And she tried to deal with it all on her own.From 2007 McConaghy crewed the Medical Emergency Response Team (MERT), a high-octane M.A.S.H-style air ambulance service in which a Chinook was on constant readiness at Bastion to fly to the middle of the battlefield and rescue seriously wounded soldiers. On her busiest day of operations in 2008, she and her crew flew 14 separate sorties – including one where five British soldiers had been killed at a forward operating base. It tells me a lot about how my own mental state was by this time of the campaign as even this didn’t make me bat an eyelid or flinch,” she recalls. Veterans are their own worst enemy.” McConaghy explained. “We never ask for help, mostly because it’s been bred into us. You’ve got to be strong. You’ve got to be resilient. All those things that the military teach you to be becomes your make-up. So, it’s really hard to ask for help when you’re getting out [of the military] or are out. My basic training, there were three of us which is good. My Shawbury course (RAF Shawbury, a helicopter training base), I was the only female crewman, then I was the only one on the Chinook force for [several] years, so I’m quite used to being in that environment. I was not the first female crewman by any stretch, there were a couple before me. Liz summarised her experiences with mental health and shared her tips for those who are suffering, and those who know someone else who is suffering.
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