Daft Dictionary (Microfax Jokes Books)

Product Information

If dad isn't making us laugh-out-loud, he'll be making us cringe until we turn inside out. We think that while he's been watching films with the family, he's been making a note of the best innuendos he's found in kids film and TV, passing them off as his own. Walk on the living, they don’t even mumble. Walk on the dead, they mutter and grumble. What are they? And he also had a lady friend coming over. So he warned the parrot not to cuss at her. In fact, he tied a ribbon to each of the parrot's legs and instructed him to pay the woman a compliment if she tugs on one of them. No, but he’s also dead so that’s impossible. 75. If Mrs. Smith’s one-story house is entirely decorated in pink (pink walls, furniture, carpet, etc.), what color are the stairs? One hour because the first pill is taken right away, the second comes a half-hour later and the last comes after another half-hour.

Day breaks and night falls 81. The accountant testified “the attorney is my brother,” but, the attorney testified that he did not have a brother. Who is lying? If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half-hour, how long would it take before all the pills had been taken? My wife – it’s difficult to say what she does. She sells seashells on the seashore.” – Milton Jones The three you took. 72. If you had only one match and entered a dark doom containing an oil lamp, kindling, and a newspaper, which would you light first? You have two coins that add up to 30 cents, and one of them is not a quarter. Which two coins are they?The baby, since he is a little Bigger. 91. A man lives on the 100th floor of an apartment building. On rainy days, he rides the elevator all the way up. However, on sunny days, he only goes up halfway and then takes the stairs the rest of the way. Why is this? The letter “w.” 15. A young boy was rushed to the hospital emergency room, but the ER doctor saw the boy and refused to operate. “This boy is my son,” the doctor said. But the doctor wasn’t the boy’s father. How could this be?

If a monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree, who will get the banana first? A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.' A cement mixer collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.” – Peter Kay mittans96 9. My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” and I said, “That’s Superman…”just enjoying the views and the rolling hills, when suddenly she happened upon another blonde sitting in a boat in the middle of the field, pulling the oars like her life depended. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. Keep your kids amused by showing them this, our list of 110 of the best simple or silly jokes kids will love.

No time at all because the wall was already built. 71. If there is a bowl of five apples and you took away three, how many do you have?Stop imagining. 27. Everyone in the world needs it, but they usually give it without taking it. What is it? Doctor takes a look at the guy and he seems a bit daft so he asks him "well, why don't you show me how you use 'em?" Neither one because the accountant was his sister. 82. Uncle Ray’s farm had a terrible storm hit and now all but seven sheep were killed. How many sheep are left alive? What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? “Thanks! I’ll never part with it!” Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially.