Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

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If you struggle with telling people no (I do sometimes), speaking your mind (I’ve never had this problem), or asking for things (this is a biggie for me), then you will like this book. I have the right to say yes to having sex, to enjoy sex, and to pause during sex to have a conversation. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the boldest, expressive, authentic version of you. Long answer: I've struggled with people pleasing, anxiety, low self esteem, and stuttering my whole life. I wanted to please everyone. Say yes to everyone. Say yes to nobody. Everybody else came before me. Someone asks me to help them move? HOW could I POSSIBLE say no? Because if I say no, then they won't like me any more right? In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert and clinical psychologist, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice.

I have also given more than I take and have said “yes” to things I really wanted to say “no” to just to appease another person and be helpful.i didn't realize until getting about halfway through this book that so much of my internal rulebook is full of lies. lies told to me by myself, by society, by my parents. i've been suffocated by my past selves and my past hurts and realizing all of this felt like waking up from a long sleep. through the authors words i started to piece together things about my life that i never would have realized otherwise. i have spent a large portion of my life worrying that i'm too selfish, but after reading this book i am now more fully aware that i'm not selfish enough. i just kept having realization after realization and even though i'm still trying to process everything, i feel so incredibly inspired and invigorated. But that's just the thing, you NEED to be willing to go through the discomfort. If you're not willing to do that, don't by this book. Honestly. But if you're willing to go through the discomfort, this book will absolutely change your life forever. The core mindset of assertiveness is: My needs matter and so do yours. Let’s have a clear discussion about what we both want to see, what might work best for us both. Sometimes I will choose what serves me, even if it upsets you. And sometimes you will do something for yourself, even if I don’t like it. Not Nice by Dr Aziz Gazipura, has got a good point or two. But, the theory not holding up (according to me) in the end, kind of spoils the fun.

However, it served as a good reminder to review some things again with great points, but honestly, I stopped about 3/4 of the way through because I was just ready to be done with it. I never thought I could be capable of being so assertive, confident, and in control. I used to come across obviously assertive people and be jealous, even resentful toward them because I wished I could be like them. I wished I could have their confidence. All those hangouts we did not want to attend and the amount of things we say yes to but secretly feel resentful about are mere signs that we are NOT GENUINE with our true needs and wants. You cannot stop others from feeling all discomfort, or all pain. It is an impossible task, a fool’s errand." In the first chapter, he tells you that his goal is for you to eventually see the term "Nice guy" and think of that as a terrible disgusting thing that you would never ever want to be. His goal was definitely accomplished by the end of that book. I was the biggest nice-guy/push-over that I knew. Everywhere. Work, school, relationships, you name it.If you want to be a person who is taken seriously and seen as a leader both in business and socially, you must learn how to communicate with a tone of certainty. The good news is it’s not that hard. You don’t have to become smarter, gain twenty years of experience, or achieve anything else first. You can just start doing it now. Speaking with certainty is just a pattern of voice tone and body language. A good example is how kids just say what’s on their minds. They simply blurb stories mid way and start talking with enthusiasm about absolutely none-sense with no censorship nor concern about what you MIGHT think of them or their story! They just assume you will like it because they genuinely like it themselves.

At first I was all up for it, going all in, but sorry to say, the feeling faded. I realized a thing or two about myself and others (credit to the book here), and in the end couldn't buy into to the concept. Don't get me wrong, the approach is good, just not enough. It's not that simple. I wish it was. (Reading Letters From A Stoic by Seneca, parallel to Not Nice, as I did, certainly didn't make things easier. Not at all! A great challenge though. I recommend it.) this book is a toolbox. more than that, it is a door. it is the door in a wall you built up so high for years and decades and now the only way out is through. It’s good to discover what I want It’s good to ask for what I want. It’s good to say what I want. It’s good to say what I don’t want. It’s good to be able to put myself first."I have the right to choose how much I want to see a friend or someone I’m dating, and end the relationship if it does not feel desirable to me.